I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
