im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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