he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
