What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
