Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
