my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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