I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
