dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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