Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
