this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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