I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
