Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
