i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
