Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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