Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize