dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i will never coherently bang her
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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