Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
