I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
