Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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