I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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