this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
