Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
