Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
