So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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