i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
