I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
