I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
