I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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