the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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