you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
