Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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