does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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