do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
