i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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