We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
