Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
