dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
