Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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