When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
