why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
