He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
