areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
