I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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