I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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