is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
