How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My pussy is not your playground.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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