am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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