She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
my shit smells like andre
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
