Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
