Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
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