How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
