my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
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and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
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Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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