And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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