hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
