My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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