she woke up with a sticky ear
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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