she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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