i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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