none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
