worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
