speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
