There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
