Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
