It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
