I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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