I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
