apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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