Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
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I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
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We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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