I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
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Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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